I don't know, if I had the chance to change anything about my past, I probably wouldn't; I just wish certain things had turned our differently.
I suppose that is the case with all of us, anyways.
I'm completely and utterly happy with my life right now, though! I will get to school in the fall, I can't back down. I know I've said that before, Livejournal, but do I really have a choice now?
I had a dream a couple months ago where I was being chased by zombie people while I was on a cruise with someone, but we eventually made it back to the ship. We knew they were coming for us, but all we did was lie in bed together, not saying anything. He kissed me, and I was so happy; I had never known such comfort and a feeling of goodwill. However, almost immediately after that, I woke up, only to be harangued by terrible creeping thoughts that all of it was a dream, and the person who kissed me would never feel that way about me.
I never made a move, nor did I ever let anyone know how I felt. It was not the fear of being rejected, just the knowledge that I was kidding myself with ridiculous, unrequited thoughts.
I suppose life is funny like that! We can yearn for the people we can't have, yet be in a completely happy and rewarding relationship. I don't feel guilty about this, as I know and feel that I am in love with a most amazing person.
The feeling we're left with is a black cloud over our consciousness: "What if?"
So, I encourage you, write down whatever flight of fantasy has haunted you. We all have skeletons in our closet, but a fleeting dream is something wholly different.